Episode 30 - Weight

Pressure reveals. Responsibility shapes. In this episode, Jeuse Kastoan unpacks what it means to carry the weight of expectations, goals, and life’s obligations—and why running from it only delays the breakthrough. Real growth begins when you stop fearing the load and start walking with it. Heavy isn’t bad. Heavy means you’re moving something that matters.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:02

No, one thing that I feel people should always go for is responsibility. I feel like responsibility keeps you alive, keeps you going. You know, it it keeps you focused on the next day. Like there's always something for you to you know stay focused on, um, live for. And the thing is, with responsibility, there's a certain weight that comes with it. This episode is called weight. And when I say weight, I mean the things that you're carrying, whether it be family responsibilities, whether it be job responsibilities, say you're like I was a supervisor in California, and I was on call in case anything wrong happens. Like, that's responsibility I carried. That's the weight I carried. That I was on call at any moment that they had to be able to talk to me because there's no one else that they can talk to because everyone else, they don't work until the morning. So I'm the one that's responsible. That's the kind of weight that I'm talking about. When you have weight, it always comes with responsibility. And with responsibility, responsibility always comes with well, I guess it depends on how you see it, but the end game is always worth it. For me, the payoff for responsibility is seeing my family happy.

SPEAKER_00 1:41

The payoff for me is seeing that.

SPEAKER_02 1:47

Me doing my job is helping my team succeed. It's not them telling me, oh, you're doing great, you're doing awesome. It's not them coming to me and he's singing my praises. They don't have to sing my praises. The only thing I care about is, are we doing good? Am I doing my part to make sure that we succeed? Now, when you're dealing with these responsibilities, the weight of it sometimes can become a lot for people. And honestly, uh, it's understandable because you don't want things to go wrong, it's your responsibility, so you want to make sure that things go right and that you do everything in your power to make sure that everything stays on schedule. For me, I feel with responsibilities, it gives me an opportunity to think. Um, it gives me an opportunity to plan, it gives me an opportunity to plot scheme, like it allows me to formulate an idea on how to make this move efficiently. Come up with a system that allows things to work good consecutively daily, not just oh, uh, I need to throw the trash out today and everything will be good for the rest of the year.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

No, it's like, okay, so what system can we make to make sure that the household is running smoothly? So I throw out the trash every day. Uh we have a schedule for cleaning, uh, we need to clean these at least once or twice a month. We need to clean these every day. Like, what exactly can we formulate and make to make sure that things run smoothly? I find happiness in knowing that things are running smoothly and things are staying in order. Doesn't mean when things don't go uh the way I planned, that I either flip out or I uh, you know, fumble under the pressure of chaos?

SPEAKER_02 3:32

No. I thrive in chaos as well. I don't care about chaos. It just means okay, this didn't go as planned. You pivot, think of a new plan to take care of whatever the situation is, and then get back right back on schedule. That's all you gotta do. Just think of a plan and handle it. Um for responsibilities when it comes to dealing with those things, they are a necessary evil. And honestly, for me, when I had no responsibilities, I didn't feel fulfilled. I just didn't. Like, I need to do more to feel fulfilled, and it's not even for me. Like, I need to do more for other people to feel fulfilled. Like for myself, I can actually do nothing at all, live paycheck to paycheck, small crib, nothing fancy, and I'll be fine. I could live like that. But will I feel fulfilled in the end? No. Because like, what am I doing that's improving the world, and what am I doing that's improving things for those around me? If I'm just worried about myself, I don't really feel like I'm doing enough. I don't really feel like I'm doing good in a way, and not doing good like, oh, you're you're killing it, you're living life. It's like, how am I helping my fellow uh person? How am I helping the universe? Like, what am I doing that's making the world better? Like, how am I doing that? If I'm not doing anything that's you know making the day easier for someone else or making a day better for someone else, then I don't really feel like I'm doing what I need to do. So for me, responsibilities is actually a necessity. It is a thing in life to where I feel like you need it to live. You need you need responsibility so you can actually focus on bettering not just yourself, but bettering life for others. When I think about, you know, my family, it's like I do everything for them. I strive to get better jobs for them. I strive to finish school for them. Uh I strive to make more money for them.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

That's all that matters. Are they happy? Am I doing what I need to to make sure that they're taken care of? That's it. I can worry about myself, but in the end, I don't really feel like I worry about myself because I know I'll be fine regardless.

SPEAKER_02 6:18

I've been through the worst. So I know what the bottom looks like, and I'm not there. So I'll be fine. And even at the bottom, I still will be fine. But with that being said, like I've seen it, I lived in it.

SPEAKER_00 6:35

For me, this is relatively what I rather do. I love it.

SPEAKER_02 6:43

I rather take care of my family, I'd rather make sure that they're good. I'd rather strive for goals. I need to go for something. I can't just not, you know, go for something great.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

I gotta actually attempt to do great things.

SPEAKER_02 7:01

And I don't mean like great things like, oh, I want to break this record, or I want to be the smartest person alive, or uh like nothing like that. I don't need uh recognition.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

I don't need uh to be loved by many people. I don't need that.

SPEAKER_02 7:24

All I need is for my family to be taken care of. And if what I'm doing is taking care of the family and they feel good and they feel happy, then I feel like I'm doing my job. So I guess what I'm trying to say is don't be afraid of responsibility. There's a certain weight that comes to it, but as with anything, once you start doing something, you will get used to it. It's only because you haven't done it for a while that you feel uncomfortable and that you don't know what to do or you're feeling uneasy about it. It's because you haven't been in that situation. You need to allow yourself to have responsibility and you need to allow yourself to fall deep in. Just let it take over and rule your whole day. You let it rule your whole day, learn it, over time, you'll be able to take control of it and then be able to manage it. It's gonna be hard at first, of course. But that's what experience is. Experience allows you to learn the do's and don'ts of everything so you can get better at it.

SPEAKER_00 8:29

So you shouldn't be scared of responsibility. You should embrace it. Let it take over. Let it be something you strive for. Because it's nothing better than seeing others happy from the work that you've done. Nothing better.

SPEAKER_02 8:50

It's because you know that you had some kind of part in them feeling better, making their day better. You know, you didn't do whatever you're doing for no reason. And it's like even if people don't like you, it doesn't matter if people don't like you. Did you do what you felt was needed to make sure that everyone was okay?

SPEAKER_00 9:12

And that's all that matters.

SPEAKER_02 9:15

When you have responsibility, it is up to you to not make all the decisions, but it is up to you to research and do whatever you can and put people in the best position to be happy. And if you have someone that you can do it with, that's even better. Because then y'all can share a load and y'all can work on it together. But that's just how I feel about it.

SPEAKER_01 9:38

And then it comes to the weight being on your shoulders, yeah, it may be a lot to carry. Uh maybe you're a first-generation graduate and your family didn't uh go to college. Uh, maybe you're the breadwinner and you're taking care of your family and making most of the money. Uh maybe you're the supervisor and you run the entire shift by yourself uh while you're working and no one else is there.

SPEAKER_02 10:03

Maybe all these things are true. And with these things being true, it's gonna be hard, of course.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

But with it being hard, it's only in the beginning. It gets easier. You just gotta learn the basics. Once you learn the basics, everything gets easier and things start to take care of themselves, and you know how to handle it. So, what I would say is don't be afraid of responsibility. Don't run from it. Don't be scared of it. Just embrace it, let it take over, and then once you master it, you manage it. This is weight, this is how we said non juice as on.