Episode 43 - The Villain Is Me

The villain is me. And once you accept that, you become free.
In this episode, we talk about what happens when you stop caring what other people think and start owning who you are. All that anxiety, all those insecurities — they’re rooted in other people’s opinions. But when you decide that only your opinion of yourself matters, something shifts. You become the “bad guy” in someone else’s story, and that’s okay. Because if you’re doing right by yourself and others, that’s all that matters.
Being the villain in their story might just be the most freeing thing you ever do.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:02

The villain is me. The bad guy. That's me. For you, you can say the villain is you. Once you accept that you become more free. You become more at ease.

SPEAKER_01 0:26

Anxieties don't hunt you as much as they used to. Because all those anxieties, all those insecurities, they're all based off other people's opinion.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

When you accept that their opinion doesn't matter, and that only your opinion of how you feel about yourself matters, then you become the bad guy. And you should be happy about that. If you're being a good person, then that's all that matters. You know you're doing your best. You know you're trying to be the best person you can be. So in the end, why does it matter what someone else's opinion is? Now, of course, if you're going out doing people wrong and things of that nature, yes, you're a villain. But not in the sense that I'm speaking.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

Because in the end, you shouldn't want to hurt people. You shouldn't want to go out and be a bad person and do harm to others. You should want to do good. What I'm speaking of is you're living your life, being yourself, and people have negative opinions about you without even knowing you, based off of whatever perception they may have, or based off of whatever they've been told. And then once they have that idea in their head, when they meet you, or when they just see you, it doesn't matter what you do, it's always under a microscope.

SPEAKER_02 2:05

Because in their mind, you're the bad guy. For me, I can say it took years. It did take years. But once I got to the point, I stopped fighting it. I stopped caring. Why the fuck does someone else's opinion matter about me? I know what I'm doing. I know whether I'm being a good person or not.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

So whatever you think doesn't really matter, does it? I myself hold myself accountable. I myself make sure I'm doing the right thing. So if you have a negative feeling about me, I don't care. Strictly based off the fact that I know I'm not doing anything negative.

SPEAKER_02 2:54

Which means it's based off of whatever insecurity you have. It doesn't matter what people think. It doesn't matter how they feel. It matters about what you think and how you feel. And if you feel you're doing the right thing, then that's all that matters. I've learned to become the villain and accept that role. Because I'm I'm not gonna say I'm just like unique, but I'm one of the people who can become cold comfortably. No issues with it at all. I can just become cold. Borderline, heartless in a way. With that being said, I'll always have a heart. I'll always do the right thing. But if it involves someone's opinion of me, I can become heartless. Not care.

SPEAKER_01 4:02

You don't care about me when you're doing whatever you're doing to me, or when you're spreading negativity about me. So why should I care about your opinion or what you what you got going on?

SPEAKER_02 4:12

Why should I care? Now, of course, if something bad happens to you, I'll be like, oh, that's unfortunate. I feel bad for him. But it'll leave at that. And that's it. I'll move on. To then end, you don't care about me and all the harm you're doing to me, so why should I care? I'm not. I'm gonna focus on myself and make sure that I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. Now, this could be seen as uh I wouldn't even say controversial, because I'm not even large like that. Like nobody know me. But I would say it could be seen in a negative light when people hear this. But also it goes back to it. I don't care. Because it's truth, it's honest. One thing I don't mind is people telling me the truth and being real. You telling the truth and you being real, even if I don't like it, I still accept it because you're being honest. And I'll take that over someone's line of me any day. Everywhere I've gone, I've basically managed to bring out reactions from people. The amazing part is I'm very uh, well, I was gonna say unassuming, but that's obviously not true.

SPEAKER_01 5:44

I can say that I myself, I don't go out of my way to do anything. I don't go out of my way to stand out.

SPEAKER_02 5:51

I don't go out of my way to make myself be known or make my presence be felt. I literally just go and do my thing. Thing is, when I do this, it encounters uh opposition and it brings massive negative attention towards me.

SPEAKER_01 6:19

And it took me a while to understand that when you are stopping from being an underachiever and you actually want to be an overachiever and do things to your fullest potential, it's gonna bring attention regardless if you want it or not.

SPEAKER_02 6:34

It's gonna bring hate, more hate than love. More scrutiny, make a mistake, more people are jumping on it. It's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_01 6:45

That's because you don't want to be average, you want to be great, so people are gonna jump on it.

SPEAKER_02 6:52

Now, it took me years to finally get used to it to the point where I'm like, you know, this is happening, but just comes with the territory.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

And the best thing about it is you can be uncomfortable in a situation or you can be uncomfortable with certain things that happen based off of your actions, but the more often it happens, the more comfortable you get. Unless you're fighting it. If you're not comfortable, it's because you're fighting it and you don't want to be comfortable because mentally you're not allowing yourself to.

SPEAKER_02 7:27

But for me, once this happened more than a few times, I've come to accept, okay, so this is what I should expect. I should expect hate, I should expect scrutiny, I should expect backbiting, I should expect people trying to set me up. It should be expected because you're trying to do great things.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

And naturally, I feel now, it's human instinct that people who feel like they can't compete and feel like they can't amount to whatever you're doing based off of effort and pure will, they're gonna take the shortcuts.

SPEAKER_02 8:07

And the shortcuts are to make you look bad and to try to set you up so you can make a mistake. Plain simple. So you should expect those things if you're trying to be great. Shouldn't let it stop you. You should just keep pushing. So then the end they can't stop what's for you. They can do their best, they can try their hardest. But if you have something in your sights and you're working towards it, it's gonna happen and you're gonna get it. Even with their opposition. But they can't stop it. All they can try to do is prevent it. They can try, they can try to put obstacles in the road. But those obstacles, they don't mean nothing. They don't really do anything. You're real versed in whatever you're doing. So whatever obstacle they put in your way, you can handle it. In the end it all boils down to accepting who you are not becoming, but what people put on you.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

There's freedom in there. Because when you're no longer trying to uphold an image, you're just being yourself. And whatever image they put on you, you proudly wear it.

SPEAKER_02 9:23

Because every day you prove it wrong. He's this way, he's that kind of way, he's that type of guy. Okay. Constantly they try to prove that you're that type of person. And they fail. Every time. Constantly. They consistently fail. And what do you do? You just keep succeeding. You keep rising above it.

SPEAKER_01 9:53

People who waste their time trying to see the false in others and forcing them to slip up. They're not putting enough time in themselves and putting in the work to get better at whatever they're doing, and they're complacent.

SPEAKER_02 10:07

So in the end, they're only hurting themselves. And they may think that they're hurting you, they may think that they're hurting your psyche, whether it's just in general making a mistake or mentally trying to get you out of your game. But what people tend to forget is when you constantly do these things to people, it can go one of two ways. Yes, you can break their psyche and possibly get them to break down and make them want to give up. That can happen. It's a thing, it's very possible.

SPEAKER_01 10:50

But there's also the aspect of they're constantly seeing us and they're constantly going through it. And now it's like anybody else that has trauma, they've hardened.

SPEAKER_02 11:18

It's not making them fall back, it's not making them shy away from it. They're going towards it. If it's an issue, it's not a problem. I'm not running away from no issue, I'm going towards it. Whatever it is, we can handle it. What is it? You wanna talk? Let's talk. What's the problem?

SPEAKER_01 11:43

Oh, you don't want to talk. You wanna be passive aggressive and do shit, but you don't actually want to deal with any issues because you don't really have an issue, you're just hate. That's fine too.

SPEAKER_02 11:53

I'm gonna keep doing me and keep getting past your robots every time. Learn to accept the villain that's in you. And you gotta remember, yes, you're the villain. Yes, you're the bad guy in their eyes. But with that, it doesn't mean that you're actually a villain. It doesn't mean you're actually a bad guy. It just means you're the person that people are targeting in groupthink. They found a target, they found someone to focus all their energy on because they can't focus on themselves. So now you're that guy, you're that enemy. And with that, you should accept that and be happy about it. Because why are you so interesting that they have to do all this shit what is it about you? Like what is it? And the thing is, you can try to rationalize it and think about it, but in the end, you'll never know. And you gotta be perfectly fine with that too. Just accept that this is the reality. And instead of faltering from it, you thrive in it.

SPEAKER_01 13:20

Instead of hating it, you wanted more. Why could it push you? I need more haters. That lets me know I'm doing something right.

SPEAKER_02 13:27

Keep hating. Y'all start liking me? Okay. It's weird. What's going on? Now, of course, if people start switching their tone, it doesn't mean that you continue on and treat them in a way to where it's hostile or aggressive or standoffish. As a matter of fact, throughout the whole ordeal, you never become that way.

SPEAKER_01 13:58

Always treat them with respect, always treat them with dignity, always be the nice person that you are. Because in the end, you're just proven them wrong. And when they stop being who they are, and they stop treating you that way, you continue treating them with dignity and treating them with respect because that's who you are. It doesn't matter what other people do. You have your morals, you have your values, you have your ethics. They can do whatever they want, but it doesn't change who you are. You are who you are, you have your standards, and it doesn't matter what people do to you, whether good or bad, you hold on to those standards. Does that mean you stand there and you get taken advantage of?

SPEAKER_02 14:34

No, of course not. You don't let people take advantage of you. But you still treat them with respect. Now, are there times where I've been the person that people have uh disrespected in some way, shape, or form? Yeah, of course. I'm not the type of person that's like, oh, you're gonna respect me, and if you don't respect me, then it's gonna be issue. No, I don't care enough. The thing is, you pick your battles. Those who have chosen to disrespect me in some way, whether it be in public, whether it be in private, in any kind of way. They've only done it when I've had something to lose. That's the only time they've done it. When I've had something to lose. If I was just regular, regular, just doing my work, just existing. Really, there's no disrespect going on at all. Uh inclined to treat me nicely.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

But anytime I got something to lose, I got something going on, I'm gonna up and up, that's usually when the disrespect comes out.

SPEAKER_02 15:57

And they're only doing this because they expect you or they're hoping you play your position wrong. You get out of place. You check them, you let them know you're not the one to be fucked with. And they know they can make you look bad in public by making you spaz out. You pick your battles. Those battles where people did that, I let them have it. I can think of one instance where this is well, this is more this is more on the rap side.

SPEAKER_01 16:39

And the older I get, the more I'm like, uh I could have went at it. But um, when I was a high school, I went to a new school, nobody knew me. And uh I didn't play basketball my senior year. So at that point, I was just there. And what it did was it drove me to want to make music. So since uh I wasn't playing basketball anymore, I had a lot of free time, and my free time went to music. So I focused solely on that. I focused on making an album and releasing it during school, releasing it on the internet, and hoping people listen to it. So I made an album and I started passing CDs around school. I started pushing it online, and a lot of people listened to it, a lot of people liked it. And at that point at school, I was known as the dude that raps, right? So me doing it, me enjoying people listening to my music, it was dope. But I didn't take into account that there are people who uh who also have the talent of rapping and may want to get known in some way, shape, or form. So, you know, it's a competition, right? So they may want to compete, they may want to battle or something like that.

SPEAKER_02 18:00

When I uh now I wasn't afraid of battling.

SPEAKER_01 18:06

Uh I battled Lil Nova when I was in high school, but it wasn't in person, it was like on tracks. I did that. I actually wanted to battle because I wanted to show my skill and sex my skill. Like I wasn't afraid of battling. Freestyling, I've always been able to freestyle, but I wouldn't say I'm as I was as crisp as I am now in regards to freestyling. I'm a lot more seasoned now than I was back then. I could freestyle back then, but I wouldn't say I'm on the level that I am now with it, right? So I'm at lunch, and people know that I make music, people know that I rap. They they know others. And uh basically this uh guy was sitting at the lunch table, and he's like, I'm gonna battle you. And I'm like, what?

SPEAKER_02 18:55

And he's like, I want to battle you. And I was like, uh, I'm not battling, bro. And he was like, no, no, I want to battle.

SPEAKER_01 19:05

Come on, let's battle. So then I'm like, yeah, I'm not doing that. And then um he proceeded to start freestyling and trying to battle me.

SPEAKER_02 19:18

In the middle of the lunch, in the middle of the lunch uh room.

SPEAKER_01 19:22

So I was uh I was sitting there and I was like, oh, this dude really likes trying to battle me like for real, for real. And uh he was rapping. He didn't really say anything too amazing, he didn't say anything crazy. And then he uh I still remember he uh said something to give my guy parachute panties. So um it cut out when I say it, but basically, he said my mom got parachute panties, and everybody on the lunch table was like, oh come on, man, you gotta say something. And like I I'll I'll reverse engineer this. So when I think about it now, at my age now, whenever he battled me, or when he was trying to battle me, I could have beat him in a battle. Like he wasn't that good lyrically. He could rap, like he could rap and put words together, but he wasn't like good lyrically. I could have took him. And honestly, if I wanted to raise my stature more, battling him and beating him would have it would have made me look better. It wouldn't have proved anything, like it wouldn't have proved like, oh yeah, he's a guy. It just would have been like, oh, like he beat this guy. Um so I feel like I should have done it when I think about it in hindsight, just because I would have bowed him, I would have won, and you know, it would just would have been like, oh yeah, I'm he's that guy. But it wouldn't have proved anything else because people have heard my music, they've heard my beats, they've heard me rap in general. I was a lyrical dude. I didn't just like rap, I had metaphors and assemblies, so it would be expected, right? So when I think about it, my mindset at that point in time when it was happening, the way I was thinking about it was uh I could freestyle and possibly beat him, but I'm not too confident in my ability to be able to beat him, just because I know I I can freestyle, but I don't know if I'm as polished. Not saying that he was polished, but to the standard that I would want to know that I could indefinitely like just wax this dude. So I was thinking about that in that split second, and then also I was thinking, you know, I got shit to lose. Like I came out with an album. People know I rap. If I lose this battle, that kills any credibility I have at school of me being not just a rapper, but a good rapper and the best rapper at school. Plain and simple. So When I thought about that too, I was like, I have nothing to gain from battling this guy. At all. Even if I win, like, there's nothing really to gain. It's gonna be expected. So I let him say what he said, and everybody go, oh, and that was it. I didn't respond. I let him have it. And in the end, he didn't get any credit from it. At that point in time, people were like, oh, that's cool. But even after that, nothing came from it for him. He didn't get any notoriety. He didn't come out with any music. Um, even after that, you know, when people were outside just freestyling, I was one of the people that was freestyling outside. He wasn't freestyling outside, I was. So it didn't hurt me. It didn't really hurt him either, but it didn't help him any. So now when I think about it, I probably didn't make the right decision. But even then, the competitor in me now was like, I should have just gone forward and just, you know, something that I was better. But with that being said, that the whole point of that was I had something to lose. I had stature, I had respect, I had all that to lose if I was to engage in that battle. If I lost. Of course, if I won, I would not gain anything. People are already listening to my music, people already know I raped. So he did that knowing I got stature. Now, of course, at that point in time, I did music and stuff like that, but I didn't realize the extent of my reach when I made my music and people actually knew I rapped. Like I didn't realize that people really held me to a standard and saw me a certain way from me rapping. I didn't know that. I didn't, in my mind, I didn't really work that out, to be honest. I was just making music because I love making music and I was just hoping people feel it.

SPEAKER_02 23:58

But I didn't know that I actually gained more respect than stature from it. So when it happened, I was just like, oh, this is random. But in reality, it wasn't random. It happened because he saw an opportunity and he knew that I had stature that I didn't know I had. And then um, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:26

People would do things just because they want you, they want to gain something from you losing. Whether it be you not, um whether it be you getting that promotion that they want, or whether it be just they're cool coasting and they don't like you doing too much because it makes them look like they don't do as much. So they want you to cool off a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 24:50

Whatever it is, it'll happen. In the end, you know, stay in your villain era. Do what you have to, don't care about other people's opinions, and just do you.

SPEAKER_01 25:02

I didn't realize this episode was gonna be that long winded, but you know, I've had decades of experience with this, so I guess it was bound to come out in some way. Um I'm just gonna stone, and this is how I reset.